Safety: Harm Hides at Home (1974)

★★★★★ · near-Ed Wood qualities make this an ultra-classic · PConheim · 2003-09-17

It's hard to tell from watching "Safety: Harm Hides at Home" how far the makers' tongues were planted in cheek. Aside from the aforementioned flying-hubcap special effects in the film, "Guardiana"'s agonizingly long alien-initiation flashback brings this film amazingly close to Sun Ra Arkestra territory, and the costume she wears fits with that assessment, too. "Stiff" doesn't begin to describe the acting by everyone in the film; there's a particularly hallucinatory quality to the mise en scene, and one is left with the realization that home accidents are not such a concern, at all, because…

★★★★★ · Bless this film for its crappiness · mjwise · 2006-01-19

This is one of the few times, even for low-grade instructional productions, where it appears the main character was dressed from some place even CHEAPER than a low-grade thrift store - I mean, a plastic garbage can lid as a shield? Okay...It's just incredibly cheap production all around, and the editing is such that I wonder if this was meant to be a longer feature with a lot more kids and they simply ran out of money once they figured out the impossibly tedious "chipmunk alien as manifested by a round fluorescent bulb" scene soaked up 50% of their film stock and budget. The acting…

★★★★★ · Cheesy Musings of an Oxygen-Deprived Brain · Celecoxib200mg · 2017-10-12

On her way home one night, the young, safety-concious and exessively-tanned Ms. Kingsley is suddenly turend into Safety Woman (AKA Guardiana, because just one moniker is clearly not enough for a superhero of her calibre) by helium-inhaling aliens. Of course, you've probably guessed that the safety-concious young lady she is, she parks her car in the middle of the road, in the middle of a curve, in the low visibilty of the night. Now, she would have chalked the whole thing up as a drug-induced hallucination if it weren't for the proof of her close encounter showing up the next day in the form…

★★★★★ · Pure cheese · Cherokee Jack · 2004-07-20

Okay, let me see if I get the premise: The Chipmunks in a spaceship give powers to keep children safe to a woman whose costume consists of a plastic garbage can lid, a suit from the Village People wardrobe collection, sunglasses, a scarf, and an adult toy? To quote Joel from MST3K, Oscar Wilde only wished he were this gay. I'm waiting for Guardiana to team up with Mr. B Natural. This one's pure cheese, and I like cheese! I'd give it three thumbs up if I had a third thumb.

★★★★★ · Here I come to save the day! · Scott Bot · 2004-10-08

A mild-mannered architect becomes Safety Woman when danger lurks for children, apparently raiding ABBA's wardrobe on the way. First, a boy making hamburgers (who keeps mumbling something about a "Super Burger") starts a small fire, but Guardania is there to save the day (and yell at him.) Then, she hears another boy who finds a gun, and she is magically whisked away to save the day for him. (If he was smart enough to take the door off a refrigerator to prevent suffocation, I would think he would be safe with a gun.) I didn't catch whether the aliens wanted her to help just the kids in her…

★★★★ · GUARDIANA is silvery . . . · FP · 2005-04-04

This is a "superhero" film in the style of the horrendous Filmation SHAZAM and ISIS shows from the 1970's, only with a much lower budget, which probably means it cost a negative number of dollars to produce. Dialogue and plot are so bad, it appears someone was trying to be awful on purpose - but who knows. There's a wonky flying saucer and a hilarious fast-motion alien voiceover during the origin sequence. The lady who plays the "freelance architect, part-time crossing guard, very special kind of woman" (according to the narrator) secret identity of GUARDIANA, wears high heels when she's…